Merry Christmas Tenshi
by allekto
Summary: yaoi, Kensuke- bittersweet Christmas reunion when all the Digidestined are older, won't remain sappy for long
1. Default Chapter

Notes: this is my first post, please go easy on me. It took me quite a few weeks to actually get up enough courage to post anything. This is yaoi, Digimon, Kensuke, a Christmas reunion with some bitter undercurrents. If you don't like yaoi, please don't read it and don't flame me. I understand getting angry at the idea of yaoi, but is it really worth it to tell me how much you hate it? If you hate it why would you read it?  
  
Anyway, moving on. This takes place years later (think episode 50)- 02 people are in their late 20's, 01 in their early 30's. I think that covers it.  
  
Oh- I don't own Digimon, and kudos to the lucky bastards that do.  
  
1 Merry Christmas Tenshi  
  
Stifling a sigh, Ichijouji Ken absently sipped at his cup of coffee. Blanching at the bitter taste of the brew he thought back to how and why he was at a resort in the countryside. Ah yes, Miyako had talked him into it. His loving wife. Something about how it would be so great to see everyone again. And now, there they were- anxiously awaiting the arrival of everyone.  
  
Of course, Ken was only anxious about one individual in particular. Daisuke. It had been years since they had spoken or even seen each other and the last occasion had not gone well. Shortly after Ken and Miyako had returned to Odaiba after their honeymoon.  
  
After too many rounds of alcohol, after too many nearly revealed secrets, after too much walking on emotional eggshells. Daisuke had finally asked a question Ken had been dreading for so very long.  
  
"Why did you marry Miyako?"  
  
Indeed. Why had he married her? The answer he gave was vague and laughable, but Daisuke accepted it and let go of the idea for a while before spearing Ken with another question.  
  
"Do you love her?"  
  
Did he. Sure. He had to right? She was his wife. Mother of their three children. Though at the time they had no children to speak of, so that answer was out. And, Kami help him, Ken lied. He said yes and laughed the questions away with nary a thought as to their implications. Ken could still remember how it hurt to lie to his best friend that night. But, the world they lived in had left him with no choice. His parents had left him no choice either. It was 'provide grandchildren or be disowned'. Very compassionate. Daisuke had left Japan not more than a week after that night.  
  
Presently, Ken sat in a comfortable leather chair in the lounge of the resort the Digidestined were all staying in. His indigo eyes roamed the landscape outside observing the falling snow. So many years had passed since he had seen Daisuke. Over time, Ken had come to love Miyako. However, he knew it would never be enough to pass the scrutiny of the shining cinnamon eyes from his memory. Those eyes never missed any change in Ken, always alert, always watchful.  
  
When they were younger Ken had thought that perhaps Daisuke was watching him out of some interest similar to Ken's own. An awakening sexual desire that groped across his senses every time he was in the presence of his auburn haired friend. A feeling so strong that fighting his own impulses left him quivering in exhaustion every night. After some time- read: nearly six years- he gave up any such thoughts as he saw his friend chasing girl after girl. Finally falling victim to Miyako's advances, Ken tried to repress any lingering sexual desires for Daisuke.  
  
A crash from across the room pulled the brooding man from his thoughts. The French doors were thrown open as a small boy with goggles perched atop a mass of spiked brown hair walked in. Large, shining auburn eyes crinkled as he gave a broad smile to all in the room. His pointed features relaxed in comfort as though the boy would be comfortable in any surroundings. Ken's heart almost stopped. 'It's like meeting him for the first time all over again,' he thought to himself. Laughter followed the boy from outside and Ken felt his throat close as familiar feelings raced through him.  
  
"Angel," came a laughing voice from outside, "come out here and get your things!"  
  
The boy's eyes brightened at the sound of the voice and he spun quickly dashing out the door calling out, "Coming, Daddy!"  
  
'Daddy?' Indigo eyes welled with confusion as Ken fought to remain calm. Seeing him after all this time. 'Why did you leave, Daisuke? Where did you go that you had to hide so much of your life from everyone?' He barely noticed as the others raced down the staircase from the lounge above. Hikari, Takeru, Taichi, Sora. All of them eagerly anticipating the entrance of the one and only.  
  
"Motimiya Daisuke," Tai yelled as a figure stepped through the doorway. He caught the other man in a bear hug before one of the others pulled him away.  
  
"Oh, I missed you Dai-kun! Where have you been?" Hikari had become close friends with Daisuke after he got over his crush on her. Her eyes were lit with inner warmth as she welcomed him into her arms.  
  
More greetings were exchanged before Ken approached the group. Shaking from his nerves he pushed some of his long dark hair out of his face and cleared his throat before speaking. "Daisuke," his voice was barely audible.  
  
Brilliant cinnamon eyes greeted indigo. Slowly, a lopsided smile crossed his face. "Hey, Ken," the reply was equally soft.  
  
"It's been a long time, Dai." He felt heat rising in his face.  
  
"Too long," the other man agreed. The room around them melted away. Ken's whole world hinged on the next words spoken. "It's good to see you," Daisuke said with a gentle smile. "I missed you, Ken."  
  
"I missed you too."  
  
*************  
  
to be continued.  
  
I know it's mean to leave it hanging, but I haven't got time for more right now. I'll try to keep going and update as soon as I can. Hope you liked, review if you want. Things won't remain all smiles and light unfortunately- just to warn you. 


	2. chapter 2

Notes: Thanks muchly to the people who reviewed. You have no idea how much I appreciate the encouragement. 

As previously stated- yaoi, Kensuke, bitterness will soon abound. Rated R for a reason, mainly because I think Daisuke would curse like a trooper. Ken probably would too. I think that covers everything.

Oh! Kinda obvious that I don't own Digimon given that I'm writing Kensuke fanfiction.

CHAPTER 2

Movements blurred together and moments were swallowed in the excited frenzy of the day. All too soon Ken found the moon was hanging low on the horizon spreading silver light over the snow. Now, once again seated comfortably, in the upstairs lounge he sat in a semi-circle of Chosen trying his best to smile with genuine happiness and avoid Daisuke's watchful gaze. It proved a daunting task.

Stories of younger days and recent histories about the joys of love. Ken bit back a sigh to cover how much he didn't want to talk about Miyako. He loved all of their children dearly, but it still felt wrong to praise his wife in front of……….

The group broke up as Yamato, Sora, Tai, and the others decided to retire to their respective rooms leaving Ken alone with the one person who scared him more than anything. Because he could never lie to him. 'Dammit, dammit, dammit this isn't fair,' he thought. 'I've known him, well I knew him at any rate, so long that I this shouldn't be difficult. But, eight years is such a long time. So much can happen.'

Flickering cinnamon eyes regarded the pale man. A spark of some unidentifiable emotion swam in their depths too quick for Ken to decipher. "So," he said in the awkward way people so often do in uncomfortable situations.

"So," Daisuke countered. He sat in the chair opposite Ken and studied him for a moment before shaking his head and grinning. "I know you're dying to ask, so go ahead and ask already."

Tension hung between them. Years of silence, years of wondering, years of 'what ifs'. Indigo eyes narrowed only a slight amount. The animosity Ken wanted to put into his words vanished in the presence of his old friend. "Where did you go? Why did you leave everyone?" Pausing, he bit his lip and added softly, "Why did you leave me?"

A clipped laugh was Daisuke's first response. However, knowing how much Ken despised being laughed at, he decided to reply verbally. He didn't want to do too much damage, yet. "I went to America. A couple of the others knew where I was. And I didn't intentionally leave you." A scowl flashed over his face. "You have Miyako anyway. What are you bitching about?" Inwardly laughing at the obvious disdain in Ken's eyes, Dai bit his tongue to keep back further commentary.

"Who knew where you were?" A shrug. "How was America?" Shrug, again. "Why didn't you at least say good-bye?" Still more shrugging. "You planning on talking to me at all?" This time a glare, then a shrug. Ken sat chewing his lip in thought. He found something the other man couldn't shrug away. "Who is Angel's mother? Will you tell me about her?" 

That caught him. He definitely hadn't expected that. As he leaned back into his seat he closed his eyes trying to sort out the memories Ken's questions brought up. Daisuke swallowed thickly before speaking. "Her name was Fabiola. Before you ask, her father was Chinese and her mother was German." A gentle smile graced his features- the kind of smile Ken used to see directed towards himself. "I met her when I moved to San Francisco. Things were perfect for a while, and then they weren't." He frowned not wanting to reveal so much to Ken, but finding it hard to keep secrets.

"How old is he?" The dark haired man stared at his one time partner doing his best to coax him out of the protective shell. "What happened to-"

"She's dead, Ken," Daisuke cut him off, tone flat. "She died almost three years ago. We met, we had fun, she got pregnant- which at the time I believed was the biggest mistake ever, so we got married, Angel was born, and then she died, and now he and I are living happily ever fucking after." Anger temporarily abated, he stopped. "How's Miyako doing?"

Pain. Nothing but pain. "She's doing well. You saw her. And I have one more question for you," sadness mixed with hurt created a stinging fluid in his indigo eyes.

A sweeping guesture. "Ask away, _mon ami_."

"Why do you hate me so much?" Taking a deep breath to withhold tears, Ken did not miss the surprise on the other man's face. "You left, you didn't tell me where you went, didn't even tell me you got married much less had a son, and you said you missed me but I think that's a crock of shit. What the fuck did I do?" Drops of crystal pain threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Mixing emotions were caught in the spice colored storm of Daisuke's eyes. Anger, hurt, triumph, sadness, and a faint longing Ken had seen before but couldn't name ran in circles before him. Before he could even open his mouth to reply a small voice sounded.

"Daddy?" A sleepy eyed Angel stood in the hallway behind Ken. A large tee shirt hung nearly to the floor, crumpled from attempted sleep. "Daddy," the little voice said again.

Tenderness flushed away all other feeling as Dai smiled at his son. "What is it, Angel?" He stood up and walked the few feet to the boy before picking him up in one smooth movement. "Can't sleep?"

Ken could almost feel the small boy shaking his head. He smiled at the next tiny words. "Didn't get a good night hug," Angel said in a pouting tone only children can manage.

Once more, Ken could almost feel the reactions behind him- feel the glittering adoration in the shining eyes. "Is that all? Well, I know how to fix that," his tone was light. "Kiss," he said, and Ken heard a soft placed on the boy's cheek behind him. "Hug," he said, and Ken heard the contented sigh of a child behind him. "And do you want to say could night to Ken-chan?" And Ken's eyes widened.

'Since when have I ever been Ken-chan?' Turning and standing in one fluid motion he ruffled the boy's hair and accepted the small kiss on his cheek- so like his own children who were staying with their grandparents for the duration of this trip. A look from Daisuke told him that their conversation was not finished and he would return. As father and son departed, Ken heard snippets of conversation. 

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Angel."

"Is that the Ken-chan you used to tell me about all the time?"

"Yes, it is my tiny one."

"The one you used to-"

"Yes, Angel. The one and the same."

"Oh."

Ken had little time to wonder about this as he knew Dai would be back momentarily. Still, his ears and brain could not overlook the puzzlement in the child's voice and the aching tenderness he heard in the boy's father.

*************

to be continued again.

It will be a few days before I can update again, Monday at the earliest. And the name of Daisuke's wife is actually someone I know. Her parents are German and Chinese respectively. 


	3. chapter 3

Notes: Once again, thanks for the reviews. I know some stuff is unexplained, but that's being sorted out, I promise.

All previous statements apply: yaoi, Kensuke, excessive use of four letter words coming, don't own Digimon, don't sue, author very poor.

All that said….

CHAPTER 3

Fear. It could choke, impair a man's ability to reason, and fracture the most perfect fantasy. Ken hated being afraid. Tension pulled at his nerves. Anxiety churned in his stomach. All because of one Daisuke Motimiya. Fighting any and all urges to flee for his life, he sat once more in the upstairs lounge, gaze locked on the stillness outside the window. Mind roaming the planes of memory, Ken decided to indulge himself a little...

Remembering all the times he had seen those shining looks in Daisuke's eyes, every time they had shared their secret smiles, all the jokes they shared only with one another about the other Digidestined, and above all, remembering how very much it hurt to let go. Still, no matter how hard Ken tried to push it back, his love for his friend remained. Learning that he now had a son, that Dai had been married, and that he had lost his wife… Ken wished he could have been there. Been there to hold him and comfort him as he surely must have needed. But now, there were no more secret smiles. Daisuke didn't look at him with the same affectionate gaze. Ken had been too afraid to tell him when he should have. Blinking away past hurts, Ken was startled at a sound behind him.

Daisuke coughed, alerting the other man to his presence. Ken turned in his chair. "How long have you been standing there?"

Shaking his head he replied, "My, my, full of questions tonight aren't we?" The frown on his old friend's stopped him. Brown eyes lowered to the floor, Daisuke spoke again, very quietly. "I'm sorry, Ken. I've been such a dick to you tonight." He looked up into wavering indigo. "But you have to understand. I left for a reason. I stayed away for a reason. You… you…" his words dropped away.

Ken stood and pulled Dai into a comforting embrace. In the years since he had last seen him, he had dreamt of holding him like this- only there was much more passion usually involved… Eventually Daisuke pushed him away. "Please, Dai, I only want to help."

Roughly wiping at his eyes, he let out a chuckle. "That's rich, coming from you, Ken-chan. Kindness, right?" Daisuke continued to laugh to himself as if there was something unbearably funny.

"For fuck's sake, Daisuke! What did I do?" He paused, then added thoughtfully, "And when did I become Ken-chan?"

He flung his arms wide. "You've always been Ken-chan! From the time I met you- the fucked up psychotic that you were. All through it. Kaiser through downfall, high school… And then you just sort of pulled away." All rants aside for a moment, he looked at Ken with raw emotion in his eyes. "It hurt."

Guilt washed over him. "Oh, oh Daisuke, I had no idea," he pulled the other man into his arms again. Dai was openly crying, soaking Ken's sweater with a puddle of salinity. Ken rocked him gently, hushing his sobs. "I wish I could have been there to meet your wife. To see Angel's birth." Running a hand through the other man's auburn hair he buried his face in the fragrant locks trying to breathe comfort into his Jogress partner. Only to find Daisuke pushing him away again.

"No, Ken, please don't," he begged. Tear tracks marked his face. "I can't do this. I can't play this game anymore. You have Miyako and I have… well, I have Angel and I know I'll find someone who will love me as much as I want." Swiping at his nose and shaking his head, Daisuke chuckled again. "Just go, Ken. Don't worry about it. None of this is your fault. Just go to your wife and forget about me."

A pale hand reached out to touch- finding only air. "Dai, what are you talking about? I could never forget you and whatever this is I fell like I'm responsible for it. Please just tell me what is going on."

Another shaky grin, a few more tears… "I love you, Ken. I always have and I always will." A moment later Daisuke's face hardened again. "Now, go back to your wife. Forget you even knew me."

*************

to be continued yet again…

Sorry, I wanted to update this one more time. Hope you liked it. Review if you want to.


	4. chapter 4

Notes: after reading over the previous chapters, I would like to apologize for any grammar errors and whatnot. I try to catch them as best I can, sometimes I don't get all of them. Oops. Again, thank you thank you and thank you for the reviews.

Personally, no, I don't own Digimon. Sure would be nice if I did. I wouldn't have such a crappy job… sigh. Yaoi and Kensuke. Think I forgot to mention this has Miyaken too- but only because the people who do own the show made them a married couple. Wrong, so very wrong. Oh yeah, this chapter has some Miyako bashing. Things get pretty nasty between her and Ken.

CHAPTER 4

Morning then. Sunlight gleaming off the fresh snow. Mounds of white diamonds lay perfect, untouched. Ice crystals covered the landscape surrounding the resort. No other sings of civilization for miles. At the window in his room, Ken watched as a small boy ran outside, the boy's father not far behind. Heartstrings ripped in his chest. Behind him he could hear his wife awaken.

"Ken-chan, honey," she murmured, voice thick with sleep, "come back to bed." 

He could hear the suggestive tone and chose to ignore it. Instead he watched the boy and the father play in the snow. Without realizing it, he lifted a pale hand to the glass as if to touch the scene outside. How badly he wanted to hold him again. A sting in his eyes reminded him of why he wasn't.

"Aw, Ken baby, come on," Miyako purred from the bed. "Come and play."

His back stiffened. "Thank you," he replied quietly, "but I don't think so." He didn't even glance at her.

Pouting, Miyako sat up in the bed. "What's the matter, Ken? You're all brooding and mopey over there. Come over here and let me cheer you up a little." When he still did not turn she finally got up pulling the bedsheet around her for whatever amount of extra warmth it could provide. Tentatively placing a hand on her husband's shoulder she followed his indigo gaze to the ground below. "Oh," she said, voice hushed. "I see."

Ken shook his head. 'No Miyako, you'll never see. You'll never understand,' he thought. 'And I don't know if I'll ever tell you.' Dimly aware of the world around him, he practically jumped when his wife closed her arms around him.

"I know you missed him, baby," she leaned her chin onto his shoulder. "I still can't believe he had a kid and never told anybody. Sure, he told Takeru about his wife, but I didn't think-"

"He what?" Ken pulled out of the smothering embrace and spun to face his wife. "You knew, didn't you?" Accusation weighted the words. "You fucking _knew_! All this time you've seen how worried I was, how upset and you knew where he was. Why didn't you fucking tell me?!" Voice rising with anger and contempt, Ken tried his best to keep from striking the cowering woman. "Why?"

Miyako blinked back tears as she pushed some of her hair out of her eyes. This sudden outburst frightened her. Ken was shaking with the beginnings of a very fine rage. And she would be damned if she went down without a fight. "You could have asked. All of us knew, but Daisuke told us not to tell you. He didn't want you to know. And it's not as if you even _tried_ to find out where he went!" She stood up a little straighter pushing for the best arrogant defensive posture she could manage.

"He was my best friend!" Ken was livid. Sparks of anger flickered in his eyes. Pulse pounding in his ears as he yelled, he found he was so tired of the life he lead. "My best friend! You could have told me. If you loved me at all you would have." The last words were icy.

"What?" Miyako felt her eyes narrow. "What did you just fucking say to me?" Her words were nothing more than a hiss.

Ken shook his head in disgust. "You heard me, you fucking whore," he shot back at her earning him a very solid slap. Head snapped to one side, he felt a tingling pain on his cheek. Before he could stop himself he was laughing- a high brittle sound.

"How dare you call me that," Miyako spoke around the straining pressure in her throat. A pressure waiting to break, to dissolve, into tears at any second. "How can you call me that? I'm you wife!" Her voice was shrill. The tone was one of people who know they can no longer lie about themselves. A tone of denial.

Gripping her arms, Ken looked into Miyako's panic stricken face. "Oh, what's the matter, _baby_? Did you really think I didn't know?" The words rang- mocking, cruel. Pulling her closer he hissed into her ear. "Did you think you could hide that from me? All those men you fucked. The times you were out 'with friends' until late at night. Have you forgotten what I do for a living?" Ken watched a tear fall down her face. "That's right Miya-chan. I have some lovely pictures of you. Yes, indeed. Some lovely shots of you with all different people. Some I know, some I don't know. But I want you to tell me something. Were they good? I mean, I heard your screaming but being your husband I can tell when you're faking it- you did _that_ often enough when you fucked me. But, were they better?"

Tears of shame coursed from her eyes. The lids fluttered closed, she didn't want to see his face when she answered. "Yes," she whispered. "They were. Because they loved me." She heard him scream something unintelligible seconds before throwing her to the floor. Enraged eyes burned her skin. Through it Miyako stared up at her husband defiantly. "It's true and you know it. You never loved me. We got married, had children, everything! But you never loved me, Ken. Why?" Her head shook as more tears filled her vision. "What does he have that I don't?"

Defeated, his shoulders hunched as he slid to the floor beside his wife. Ken watched her for several long moments. The pain in his throat matched the ache in his heart. He looked so small, fragile. Finally, he pulled Miyako into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "This wasn't fair to you. I wasn't fair to you. I'm so sorry, Miyako." Inside he cringed at the thought of their children. How would things go from here?

Her words muffled by Ken's shirt, Miyako had to repeat herself a few times before she knew he heard. "You know he loves you, right?" She felt his heart break…

"Then why did he leave me?" Ken whispered so softly the words were almost lost in the room. A shaky laugh sounded in his throat. "Did everyone know but me? Was it something you guys sat around and talked about all the time?"

Sparkling eyes blinked as she tried to be gentle. "Yeah," she whispered. "That's why it was such a shock when you asked me out the first time. Shit, I got the fucking shock of my life when you proposed," she laughed.

"Oh, Miya," Ken cried, "we seriously fucked this up didn't we? You know he told me last night." He barely registered her gasp. "Yeah," he nodded. "And he hates me too. But, I tried to love you. I really did. And I do care for you, but…"

"I know," she comforted him. Hushing him as she rocked him in her arms, Miyako soothed him as best she could. "It'll be okay, Ken-chan. Everything will be okay now, you'll see."

Being the cynic he was, Ken laughed bitterly. "I sincerely doubt that."

*************

to be continued

Sorry to make this all depressing. I think there will only be one or two more chapters. Review if you want to, hope you like.


	5. chapter 5

Notes: To the people who reviewed, thank you all so much for the encouragement. It seems this story may be longer than I planned on but that happens. Again, sorry about hideous grammar errors.

Yaoi, Kensuke, all that good stuff. Don't own Digimon, wish I did, would be nice.

CHAPTER 5

Outside, father and son reveled in the simple joys of winter. They rolled in the powdery snow making snow angels, building a snowman. After a miniature snowball fight they sat to rest beside the winged imprints they had left.

The small boy tried to rub his face only to find matted layers of ice on his mittens obstructing his hands. After pouting for the merest second, he thought about something. "Daddy?"

"What is it, Angel?" Daisuke could not help but feel his eyes and heart melt at the sight of his five-year-old son. 

"Are you mad at Ken-chan? Did he do something wrong?" Innocence as only a small child can manage touched his words. Though Angel knew he would not understand everything that happened between the adults, he wanted to know why his father looked so sad all the time.

Blinking tears back into the depths of his cinnamon eyes, Daisuke found they would not stay out of his voice. "Why do you say that, little one?" The words caught in his throat.

The boy scratched at his head forgetting about the ice on his hands. "You always talked about how much you miss him, and you were sad. But now you see him and you're still sad. How come? Did he hurt you?"

He took a deep breath to think of a way to explain. "That was a long time ago," he said quietly. "Some things happened and I was very hurt and very angry with… him. But I haven't been very nice to him since we got here." Shame made him drop his head.

Turning to look up at his father's face, Angel didn't notice the wetness glittering in the brown eyes. "Why? You said he was very special."

"That was a long time ago too." Daisuke laughed a bit. "You've got a great memory."

Angel's face twisted up into a thinking scowl. "But you said you loved him with all your heart. As much as you loved Mommy."

"Oh boy," Dai muttered under his breath. At that point he was seriously rethinking explaining Ken to his son. "I shouldn't have told you all that stuff. But, yes, I do love him very much."

"So he's still special?" After a nod from his father, the boy continued. "How come you were not nice to him then? Don't you and Ken-chan love each other?"

Shock rippled through him. Daisuke felt his heart flapping in his chest, begging to be freed from its prison. His heart longed to speak the truth for him. As his eyes overflowed with the memory of the things he had said to Ken the previous night he found the words to explain to his son. "I care about him a lot, and I love him a lot, but sometimes things don't always work out, Angel," he said softly. Pulling his son onto his lap without regard for how wet and cold he would be later, Dai continued his explanation. "You remember Miyako-san?" At the boy's nod he proceeded. "Well, she and Ken-chan are married and they have three children. They all live together in a beautiful apartment here in Japan. They have a whole life together. Miyako-san loves Ken a great deal , and Ken…" his voice shut down. He had to take a few breaths and blink away the tears rapidly filling his eyes again. "Ken-chan loves her too."

"More than he loves you?"

"Yeah," Daisuke whispered kissing the boy's head. "But don't you worry! Because I'll never ever love anyone more than I love you!" A smile plastered on his face, Dai stood up with Angel in his arms to bring him inside before they froze to death.

"Never ever?"

"Never, my Angel. My precious, beautiful boy." He kissed his son again and opened the door to the downstairs lounge. Scrutinizing eyes passed over the room and its occupants.

Hikari and Takeru were engrossed in a game of chess. Tai, Yamato, and Sora were sitting together talking. The three looked serious about whatever they were discussing. Izzy, Iori, and Mimi were nowhere to be seen. In the two chairs facing the window, Miyako and Ken sat watching Daisuke. There was something different about the two that he couldn't put his finger on. Their eyes held some sort of wistfulness and an accepting sense of loss. It hit him all at once. Sadness- their dampened eyes shone with sadness. But was that an underlying joy? A sense of freedom Daisuke detected?

Forgetting the matter, Dai carried Angel upstairs to their room. After his son had bathed and departed for the gameroom downstairs, Daisuke felt something within his chest breaking. Clear cut pain scraped across every raw nerve of his body. He had sent Angel down to the careful watch of the others because he didn't want anyone to see him as he was. Thinking of only the pain, only the sadness he carried with him, he felt himself breaking down into the wreck he had tried so hard not to become. Especially in front of Angel. But, he had been asking all those questions about… About _Ken_…

Ken would never love him. Not the way he needed him to. No amount of Jogressing could change that. He might know Ken better than anyone, and Ken might know him, but he would never love him. Face in his hands he sobbed until his chest felt tight and dry from crying. 

So many nights after Daisuke had left had been spent crying over Ken. 'Why does it still hurt so much? I thought after eight years I could handle it,' he thought. 'Instead it only hurts more. But, at least I told him the truth. Finally. I love him so much…'

Daisuke kept crying quietly to himself until he heard a knock on the door. Without even bothering to wipe his face clean of salt he stumbled to the door. "I know it's you, Ken," he called. "What do you want?"

Heavy silence expanded the seconds into centuries. "I need to talk to you," came the soft reply from the other side of the door.

He turned the knob and threw back the barrier that separated them. 

*************

to be continued

Alright, so I'm not too happy with how this came out but it's how the story goes. I need to sort out the next part a little- it should be the last part so I'll repost this as one big long fic. Hope you liked, review if you want to. Angel seemed like such a cutie that I wanted to include him in the story some more… I know it's sappy. 


	6. chapter 6 (final)

Notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Your encouragement and support means a great deal. Happy holidays to everyone. Yeah, I know that might sound a bit odd going with a sad fic, but enjoy them anyway.

Warnings: yaoi! Kensuke! Hoorah! Quite obviously, I don't own Digimon. I'm poor and I have a crappy job, don't sue, the crappy job doesn't pay very well.

CHAPTER 6

They stared at one another for a few minutes. Indigo eyes locked on liquid cinnamon as they stood in the doorway of Daisuke's room at the resort. Neither knowing what to say or how to explain things to the other. Instead they both wished for some force to push them without words. But they found that there are moments when words cannot be avoided.

Ken broke the trance first. "Can I come in? I don't really want to talk about this out in the hall."

A brisk nod and then Daisuke retreated from the door moving further back into the room. Motioning to the bed and chairs beside it he said, "Take a seat." His voice was hoarse from tears.

Ken sat in one of the chairs, Daisuke on the bed. Brown eyes lowered to study the pattern on the bedspread as if it were the most interesting thing in all the worlds. He could feel Ken's eyes on him, watching, waiting for him to say something. Inwardly he laughed. 'I'm not giving you the satisfaction Ichijouji,' he thought.

"Daisuke, please at least look at me," Ken pleaded. When the other man's head snapped up he felt a smile begin to form on his face. "Thank you." His old friend only nodded. Seeing that he was not going to get Daisuke to speak any time soon, Ken decided to simply tell him everything. "I talked to Miyako," he saw the brown eyes widen.

"You did what? Why? I mean, why would you…"

"Did you know she already knew? Yeah, we had an enormous fight. I got a few things off my chest, she unloaded some of her old baggage." He paused and sat back in the chair summoning courage to his heart and air to his lungs. "She's been having affairs. A lot of them, actually. I let it go until now because I didn't think I would ever see you again. So why would it matter who my wife was fucking around with, right?" He laughed bitterly.

Puzzlement filled Daisuke's eyes. "You mean… Holy shit! Oh, Ken I'm sorry. I know how much you care about her."

"How can you say that?" He tried to fight off the tightness growing in his chest. "How can you honestly look at me and say that?"

"Ken, she's your wife! Don't try telling me you don't care." Daisuke thought for a moment. "What do you mean you thought you would never see me again?"

"You left! You left me and didn't even say good-bye! I didn't even know where you were. And despite whatever the others told you I did try to find you. But, it seems you didn't want to be found. Not by me at any rate. Everyone knew except me." Self pity made him blink as quickly as he could. He would not cry in front of Daisuke. He wouldn't…

"Ken, you hurt me," Dai protested. "Didn't you notice how upset I was at your wedding? Did you not hear what I asked you the last time I saw you?"

"I remember. You asked me why I married her, you asked if I loved her," Ken whispered.

"You told me how much you loved her. You looked me dead in the eye and said she was the best thing that ever happened to you." Unlike Ken, Daisuke had no qualms about crying. Sobs tried to work their way around his words. "That hurt so fucking much," he whispered. "Because I was so in love with you. I would have done anything for you. I was prepared to love you until the end of everything, Ken. And you just walked away."

Getting out of the chair he knelt on the floor at Dai's feet. "Dai-chan, I didn't know. Believe me if I had…" His voice shook as he felt his eyes spill over. "I love you so much, Daisuke. More than anything." Brilliant eyes looked down at him, their pain matching his own.

"Dai-chan?" His brow rose. "Why didn't you ever tell me? Why did you marry her, Ken? Why the fuck did you marry her and leave me all alone?!" It seemed that all the pretty words in the world could not make his pain dissipate.

"Please, Daisuke," Ken begged him. He hated it- it made him feel so worthless. But he would do anything to hold onto the man he loved so much. "Listen to me. I didn't know how you felt. How the hell was I supposed to? And I never told you because I was so terrified of what you would do. Please don't leave again, Dai-chan. My Dai-tenshi."

"Oh god, Ken," he whispered. Slowly bringing his hands up, Daisuke cupped the pale face hovering above his lap. So many nights dreaming of hearing those words, so many nights of wanting to go back and make things right…

"I love you, Daisuke," Ken whispered as he rose to meet Daisuke's lips with his own. 

They didn't linger on any simple touches. Tongues met with ferocity and desperate need. Moving up even more Ken eased Daisuke back onto the bed enjoying the moan brought from the other man's throat. Arms wound around each other's bodies in a flurry of desire. Daisuke tipped his head back groaning as Ken kissed down his throat. They pulled at their clothing wanting to feel everything. As pale hands swept across his skin, Dai arched into the touch needing the contact so badly. Pulling Ken back to his face he kissed him again deeply, but then pushed him away.

"Stop. We can't do this," he closed his eyes not even wanting to say the words.

Ken deadpanned. "Um, we didn't seem to be having too much difficulty…"

Opening his eyes to glare first, Daisuke cut him off. "You know what I mean. You have a wife and three children. I have Angel. We can't, Ken," he said as if it were so simple. Seeing the incredible blue eyes fill with distress he pulled him into a close hug. "I can't just sleep with you and then leave. It wouldn't be fair. Miyako knows about this I take it?"

Ken nodded against the muscular shoulder. "Yeah, we talked about some of this. Things are a bit tense at the moment." The skin against his cheek was deliciously smooth but before Ken could lose himself again he pulled away. "What do you mean leave?"

He looked away, uncomfortable. "I can't stay here, Ken-chan. Angel started pre-school this year. I have a good job in San Francisco. I can't just pick up and leave. Not when you and Miyako haven't figured things out yet." Sighing, he met his love's gaze again. "No matter how much I love you I can't jump when you tell me to, Ken. I love you with every fiber of my being but it isn't fair to ask me to abandon my life for you."

Once again, he met defeat. Debates warred in his mind. Yet, he knew Daisuke was right. Leaning forward he kissed the other man's forehead. "You're right," he said pressing his forehead to Dai's. Shining brown filled his vision. "I love you, Dai-chan. Anything you want. I'll wait for you, if you'll wait for me." The blush from his love surprised him.

"Sounds good to me, Ken-chan. I promise I won't keep you waiting long."

*************

At the airport they held each other close, almost crying but not quite. Ken wanted to hold Daisuke forever, but he did have to work things through with Miyako.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Dai," he murmured against the auburn hair. A small tug at his pantleg made him look down.

"Will you miss me too, Ken-chan?" Angel's eyes were huge. 

Ken stooped to pick him up and hug him tightly. "I'll miss you like you're one of my own children, Little Tenshi."

"Okay," came the small voice. A serious expression fixed itself on his face. "And don't make my Daddy sad anymore!" When Ken agreed he brightened. "Okay! I'll miss you Ken-chan." The boy dropped to a whisper, "And I promise I'll make Daddy come and visit you soon."

He laughed and gave Angel another hug. Pulling Daisuke into his arms again he felt sadness swelling in his eyes. "Merry Christmas, I guess. I love you, Dai-chan. Come back to me."

Daisuke felt tears in his own eyes as well. "I love you too, Ken-koi. But this is the way things have to be." After placing a quick kiss on Ken's cheek he bent down to pick up Angel. "I'll see you soon, Ken-chan, I promise. Merry Christmas, koi." 

One more kiss and they parted ways once again. Ken stood in the airport watching as father and son boarded the plane. He stayed through their take-off. One hand to the windows, he could feel tears sliding down his face. His other hand rubbed his cheek where Daisuke's lips had touched. "I love you…"

__

"I'll see you soon, Ken-chan, I promise. Merry Christmas…" 

***

end

Hope you liked this. Review if you want.


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